Below is an excerpt from the book Avoiding Relationship Mayhem. Recently in the Marriage Series at Mt. Calvary Tabernacle I ministered
it again.
I have complied a few nuggets of understanding that will
protect you in relationships.
1. Most believe – that if I put my best into a relationship it will work.
Not true! The best you can give is not enough for some
people. God has given and done everything he knows to do and yet some people
walk out of relationship with him. The Lord has given his best sacrifice,
salvation, life, blessings… and yet 1000s will walk away from that relationship
thinking something else is better. Your best can be rejected as not enough,
because many people have unrealistic expectations of others. All of us are
human and that means we have limitations. Recognizing that fact is necessary
for not setting ourselves up for a fall. Expectations decide our
disappointments, so if I unrealistically expect something, then I have just
scheduled a date with disappointment.
2. A third voice has the ability to destroy a healthy relationship.
You will notice below that Paul is saying that at one time
their relationship was so good that the Galatians would have plucked out their
eyes for him. That phrase is like us saying today “I would give my right arm
for you.” However, in the next verse you see the relationship change from
intimacy to enemy.
Galatians 4:15-1615 Where is then the blessedness ye spake of? for I bear you record, that, if it had been possible, ye would have plucked out your own eyes, and have given them to me.16 Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
The question then must be asked “what changed it?” The
following scripture gives us a little more insight to the culprit that produced
this change.
Galatians 5:7 (KJV)7 Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?
Everything was fine until a third voice got involved. I’m
sure you have experienced this at some point in your life. It’s when you notice
a friend’s demeanor change and they don’t talk as freely or show different
expressions that are different than before. More often than not, another voice
has gotten involved by speaking things about you that has created doubt in them
concerning the relationship between the both of you. Husbands and wives run
into trouble oftentimes when one of them begins listening to a third voice
which has ulterior motives. Unfortunately, the third voice leads many into
divorce.
Beware of the third voice!
3. When two people no longer want the same thing.
Matthew 23:37 (KJV)37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
Jesus was saying “I want relationship with you but you don’t
want what I want!” Two people wanting or expecting different outcomes and goals
in a relationship will ultimately put them on two different paths. The word
“division” can broken down to “di-vision” indicating the reason for the
separation was the result of two different visions.
This proves the importance of unity and maintaining it is a
priority to keeping the relationship strong and focused.
4. Know when to let go!
You have to learn to let go or it will become the most
tormenting thing you’ll ever go through. You can quote scripture till you’re
blue in the face… pray till the cow comes home… and some people still leave.
The bottom line is that some leave because they simply want to leave and their
mind is made-up. The temptation will hit you – what could I have done
differently – said – and the list becomes endless. However, people have their
own will and nothing you can do will change their decision. That becomes the
moment when we pray for them and move on in life without tormenting ourselves
with regret.
A good example is the prodigal son found in Luke 15.
When reading the story you’ll take notice that the father does not chase after
the boy. He realized the son had made up his mind to exit and there was nothing
he could say or do to change it. The father realized that experience will have
to become his son’s teacher.
You can’t keep giving them what they cannot receive! Case in
point; Jesus and Judas. The Lord made every effort at the “Last Supper” to
preserve the relationship between Judas and himself, and yet Judas would not
receive it. Like the father of the prodigal, Jesus did not chase after Judas
through the streets of Jerusalem.
In other words – you have to know when to let go!
5. Treat others the way you want treated!
Matthew 7:12 (KJV)
12 Therefore
all things whatsoever
ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this
is the law and the prophets.
Healthy relationships demand skills we are not born with. They must be learned and practiced. Avoiding these pitfalls require the navigation ability of the Holy Spirit providing the discernment to protect ourselves from unnecessary harm.
God bless you
Reuben Egolf
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