Pathway to Better Relationships

Below is an excerpt from the book Avoiding Relationship Mayhem. Recently in the Marriage Series at Mt. Calvary Tabernacle I ministered it again.

I have complied a few nuggets of understanding that will protect you in relationships.   

1. Most believe – that if I put my best into a relationship it will work. 

Not true! The best you can give is not enough for some people. God has given and done everything he knows to do and yet some people walk out of relationship with him. The Lord has given his best sacrifice, salvation, life, blessings… and yet 1000s will walk away from that relationship thinking something else is better. Your best can be rejected as not enough, because many people have unrealistic expectations of others. All of us are human and that means we have limitations. Recognizing that fact is necessary for not setting ourselves up for a fall. Expectations decide our disappointments, so if I unrealistically expect something, then I have just scheduled a date with disappointment.  

2. A third voice has the ability to destroy a healthy relationship.

You will notice below that Paul is saying that at one time their relationship was so good that the Galatians would have plucked out their eyes for him. That phrase is like us saying today “I would give my right arm for you.” However, in the next verse you see the relationship change from intimacy to enemy.

Galatians 4:15-16

¹⁵ Where is then the blessedness ye spake of? for I bear you record, that, if it had been possible, ye would have plucked out your own eyes, and have given them to me.

¹⁶ Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

The question then must be asked “what changed it?” The following scripture gives us a little more insight to the culprit that produced this change.

Galatians 5:7 (KJV)

⁷ Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?

Everything was fine until a third voice got involved. I’m sure you have experienced this at some point in your life. It’s when you notice a friend’s demeanor change and they don’t talk as freely or show different expressions that are different than before. More often than not, another voice has gotten involved by speaking things about you that has created doubt in them concerning the relationship between the both of you. Husbands and wives run into trouble oftentimes when one of them begins listening to a third voice which has ulterior motives. Unfortunately, the third voice leads many into divorce.

Beware of the third voice! 

3. When two people no longer want the same thing.

Matthew 23:37 (KJV)

³⁷ O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

Jesus was saying “I want relationship with you but you don’t want what I want!” Two people wanting or expecting different outcomes and goals in a relationship will ultimately put them on two different paths. The word “division” can broken down to “di-vision” indicating the reason for the separation was the result of two different visions.

This proves the importance of unity and maintaining it is a priority to keeping the relationship strong and focused.

4. Know when to let go!

You have to learn to let go or it will become the most tormenting thing you’ll ever go through. You can quote scripture till you’re blue in the face… pray till the cow comes home… and some people still leave. The bottom line is that some leave because they simply want to leave and their mind is made-up. The temptation will hit you – what could I have done differently – said – and the list becomes endless. However, people have their own will and nothing you can do will change their decision. That becomes the moment when we pray for them and move on in life without tormenting ourselves with regret. 

A good example is the prodigal son found in Luke 15. When reading the story you’ll take notice that the father does not chase after the boy. He realized the son had made up his mind to exit and there was nothing he could say or do to change it. The father realized that experience will have to become his son’s teacher. 

You can’t keep giving them what they cannot receive! Case in point; Jesus and Judas. The Lord made every effort at the “Last Supper” to preserve the relationship between Judas and himself, and yet Judas would not receive it. Like the father of the prodigal, Jesus did not chase after Judas through the streets of Jerusalem.

In other words – you have to know when to let go!

5. Treat others the way you want treated!

Matthew 7:12 (KJV)

¹² Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

Healthy relationships demand skills we are not born with. They must be learned and practiced. Avoiding these pitfalls require the navigation ability of the Holy Spirit providing the discernment to protect ourselves from unnecessary harm. 

God bless you

Reuben Egolf 

Teach Me To Fish

''A guy looked at the Corvette the other day and said I wonder how many people could have been fed for the cost of that car. I replied I am not sure, it fed a lot of families in Kentucky who built it, it fed the people who make the tires, it fed the people who made the components, it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires, it fed people who make the trucks that haul the copper ore. That's the difference between capitalism and welfare mentality. When you buy something, you put money in people's pockets and give them dignity for their skills''

It reminds me of my favorite saying 

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” 

There is a mindset that ignores the blessing of reward. The satisfaction of receiving something in return for your investment of time and labor. Rewarding an individual who is idle is not helping but perpetuating the problem of no self-dignity and self-worth. It literally is below a man’s dignity to receive something for nothing as seen in the following. 

2 Samuel 24:21-24
²¹  And Araunah said, Wherefore is my lord the king come to his servant? And David said, To buy the threshingfloor of thee, to build an altar unto the LORD, that the plague may be stayed from the people.
²²  And Araunah said unto David, Let my lord the king take and offer up what seemeth good unto him: behold, here be oxen for burnt sacrifice, and threshing instruments and other instruments of the oxen for wood.
²³  All these things did Araunah, as a king, give unto the king. And Araunah said unto the king, The LORD thy God accept thee.
²⁴  And the king said unto Araunah, Nay; but I will surely buy it of thee at a price: neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing. So David bought the threshingfloor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.

Free tuition, free phones, etc.… feeds something dangerous called an entitlement mindset. Once something is given without being earned it is taken for granted and expected as something owed. The valuing of the thing received evaporates and the person’s respect for those who provided it dwindles as well.  This kind of system plays on the surface sympathies of the people while plundering the coffers of the wage earners, thus draining the well dry to maintain the swamp. 

I believe a majority of Americans said this loud and clear at the polls on Nov. 8 2016. They said they were tired of having to pay for other people’s irresponsibility. They were tired of being penalized for being hard-working while others were provided incentives to remain on perpetual assistance. They were tired of the Hollywood elites and political ruling classes ramming values down their throats they don’t believe in. 

Make no mistake about it, the blue collar worker rose up and said we are tired of you making us work harder and longer to pay for your agendas that do not benefit us at all. Our politicians had started down a path of economic enslavement and the working class of America said we are not taking it anymore. Benefits without work… enjoying benefits without being a legal taxpayer… unethical medical burdening… political correctness running amok… separate laws for the privileged… loss of freedoms… government expansion… and this list is endless as the causes of the middle class symptoms of political sickness. 

Politicians who never had a job or ran a business have little to know appreciation for the hard earned money of another. Their wasteful spending on the frivolous, rewarding of the indolent, and doing the bidding of the special interests was too much for the blue collar worker. This unfair treatment created an angst which motivated the silent majority to the polls to repeal the damaging onslaught and declare a mandate for a better future.   

It’s time for respect and dignity to find its way back into the American fabric of ideals and exceptionalism.

Reuben Egolf 

Government's Role?

For those who want more government, here is something to think about. When government creates government jobs, we must remember they are not jobs that create or generate money. Every time the government creates another government agency it must have an equitable response in the private sector.

Let me explain. Since government jobs are solely dependent upon jobs in the private sector for income as a result of taxation, then every time government creates a job within itself then there must be a creation of multiple jobs in the private sector to support it. Herein lies the problem. When government is creating jobs within itself outpacing the growth of employment in the private sector, you then have the inevitable of raising taxes on everyone. Government then becomes larger and the people become financially oppressed, economic growth comes to a standstill, government portrays itself as the answer when in fact they are the problem.

It is not the government’s role to create jobs. It is the private sector’s responsibility. It’s interesting that government is the one who has stifled job growth by it’s over burdening in taxation and regulations and now wants to come in and save the day by creating jobs. This is an amazing concept. I create a problem, and then I create the solution. What’s more amazing is, the solution is more taxation and regulation and somehow what has created the crisis will miraculously become the solution. I thought about this and came up with an illustration. I tell my son “I expect ten bushels of beans out of this garden, but you can’t plant within twenty feet of the stream, ten feet of the fence, and ten feet of the yard.” My son says, “Dad, I can’t get ten bushels of beans if you expect all of these regulations to be obeyed.” I reply “that’s ok son, I have the solution, don’t plant within thirty feet of the stream, fifteen feet of the fence, and twenty feet of the yard.” My son looks at me dumbfounded and leaves scratching his head at this load of wisdom. I must admit, I feel like my son in this story when it comes to our federal government. Referring to the eighties, some people called it the decade of greed; I called it capitalism at its finest. Government downsized, deregulation happened, tax cuts took effect, and a funny thing happened – business prospered and jobs were created by the private sector. How, you may ask. Government got out of the way! Ronald Reagan said it best “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.”

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul” - George Bernard Shaw

When man fell in the garden, he became self-centered and self-conscience instead of being God-conscience. Therefore, it is man’s tendency to gravitate towards things that satisfy himself at the expense of others. When a nation’s political leaders look at politics as a career, then security of that position becomes a priority. Conviction of principles will become compromised when financial security, and the intoxication of people’s opinion come in conflict with them. It takes a strong moral disciplined person to resist the temptations of a political life. As a result of a lack of moral stimuli in many politicians today; they are willing to sell the future of this nation at the expense of the present. This brings us to the timeless truth that George Bernard Shaw spoke many years ago, “A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” Irresponsible and selfish politicians will play on the whims of an irresponsible and selfish citizenry to keep itself in power. The problem is that eventually you will run out of enough Peter’s to pay all the Paul’s. As parents do with children; you have to do what is right regardless of their crying. Children are immature and irresponsible thus they only live for the present gratification while totally ignoring the future consequences. America is turning into a quagmire of adolescence. Free handouts are now looked at as a right and most people think government exists to provide these freebies. I think I remember a president once saying, “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” 

I don't think people realize how dangerous this situation in America truly is. It cannot sustain the current path it is on. Something must change! That change will have to begin at the home and not in Congress or the White House. This problem didn't start in Washington, it started in the homes of America. Everybody screamed at the removal of prayer from our schools. However, let's be honest, it left the homes long before the schools. We need to teach our children responsibility, ethics, morals, and a renewed sense of national pride again. America needs to return to its biblical foundation and once again fulfill:  

 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

The irresponsible behavior of children not corrected by parents eventually become the future political generation. The blame game, and throwing the responsibility off on each other in government in their meager attempts at being the innocent compassionate person or party, is laughable until you realize their indecisiveness costs us money.  The following story seems appropriate when pondering on the behavior of our government. 

Consider this story told by Bernard L. Brown, Jr., president of the Kennestone Regional Health Care System in the state of Georgia.

Brown once worked in a hospital where a patient knocked over a cup of water, which spilled on the floor beside the patient's bed. The patient was afraid he might slip on the water if he got out of the bed, so he asked a nurse's aide to mop it up. The patient didn't know it, but the hospital policy said that small spills were the responsibility of the nurse's aides while large spills were to be mopped up by the hospital's housekeeping group.

The nurse's aide decided the spill was a large one and she called the housekeeping department. A housekeeper arrived and declared the spill a small one. An argument followed.

"It's not my responsibility," said the nurse's aide, "because it's a large puddle." The housekeeper did not agree. "Well, it's not mine," she said, "the puddle is too small."

The exasperated patient listened for a time, then took a pitcher of water from his night table and poured the whole thing on the floor. "Is that a big enough puddle now for you two to decide?" he asked. It was, and that was the end of the argument. 

Bits & Pieces, September 16, 1993, p. 22-24.

Reuben Egolf

Leading Nations